question of sincerity

ok, another week has passed. just like that, and so has the 2nd week of holidays for me. A week filled with many feelings, mixed with both happy, sad and confused. somehow, i feel glad that the week is over. or at least, almost over. I read Raynor's post on Relationships on his post, and that has gotten me thinking a lot somehow.

yesterday proved to be a day of super mixed feelings, the most of all days. The day started with work as usual, spending the time at office with my fellow VA officers. I had taken half day leave and it was to meet another friend. Since we'd agreed to only meet at 2.30, i left office at 2pm thereabouts. However, at the last min, literally, the last 15min, things were cancelled and i was given the reply "I cant make it today, sorry". My first reaction was of shock when i saw that sms while driving, and i almost hit the car in front of me. I never believed that such a thing would happen, just 15min before we were due to meet, with no clue whatsoever that this might happen. And tickets for Alvin and the Chipmunks and the performance at Mt.Faber have already been bought (not simply booked). but i told myself that it could have been something really really important that cropped up at the last min, hence blowing our meet away. I waited at PS for 2.5hours, from 2.30-5+, and after so long of waiting for a reply which never came, i jus made the decision of leaving the place. I wanted to wait somemore, but i just couldnt. I felt as if i'd wasted my time and day away. However, somehow, i still harbour the faith that it was something really important which caused the cancellation. Insincerity? I dont know.. at this moment, i dont want to come to any conclusions till i manage to find out what happened. This few days have been busy for my fren with projects, so i THINK it could be some last minute project thing that could have cropped up? i dunno. I think i deserve at least to know what was going on, after the sudden disappointment.
If someone agrees with u on something, but days later pulls back on that agreement, is that insincerity? u never know.. sometimes it seems to be so, but sometimes it could genuinely be something which cropped up and so it has to happen.
In the end, i ended up at Kyrin's place, and i went with her to take a look at the place, so as not to waste the paid-for tickets. It was a nice place, interesting, and we also took the time to have a nice chat about everything. And that brings me to think back again to something i have been thinking since early in the week. The question of how committed i shld be to something. Its not that i dont want to be committed, but over some past experiences, i dont dare to be too committed. To most, dating is the happiest thing and time, but for me, it dun seem so. That feeling of uncertainty harbours in me most often. Having talked to Kyrin, i also reaffirmed to myself that things need time, but some part of me also warns me against hoping too much, esp since there is a big difference which I cant do much about. I can only work on things, and let nature take its course.. cliche as it might sound, but some things just cannot be explained. I think Sam and Kyrin really makes a good couple, they understand each other perfectly, make time for each other, and they are never far from each others' minds, naturally. I envy them.. May they be together forever and for many many happy years to come.

Sunday: watched Nanking with Jasmin and her friend. It was a sad movie, and i think the saddest was listening to the ppl recounting their experiences, and looking at the actual clips taken from the wartime itself. We also spent sometime walking around, looking around vivo, chatting, looking at books etc.. it was a nice afternoon spent, and at 5+, i decided we send beth home, so that jasmin and her could have more time tog and continue talking more.. haha, and along the way, i blur-ly accidentally revealed that i was at Tecman the day before. So much for wanting to not reveal where i got the present and keep it a surprise til the moment i gave jas the present. grr how cock can i be? haa

Monday and Tuesday: mainly prep and prep for our in-camp Christmas celebrations on tues night.

Wednesday: mainly jus in office, and in the afternoon, headed back to sch to work on our pushbar til 8+. Was super drained then.. but during the time back at school, I learnt how to do welding! =) initially it was scary cos i was scared to be burnt by the flying arc and burning electrode, but i slowly got the hang of it. If i didnt have VA, i guess i would want to work on my welding skills more. Sam passed me a present from him and Kyrin and asked for my car keys to put into my car. It was a DVD of the LEs Miserables 10th Anniversary concert! Such dvds are hard to find on the market nowadays and only certain major stores carry them.. I wish one day Les Miserables will come to Singapore once more. Though i think it is a hope against hope. haha..